Alpha Domination (Alpha Wolf Book 1) Page 17

  I give myself a dark, knowing glare.

  No. Nathan made himself clear on more than one occasion about how, once I returned to my normal life, we wouldn’t see each other again. I have to stop hoping he’s going to show up, all hearts and flowers, to sweep me off my feet.

  This isn’t a sodding movie.

  I put my boots on and head out into the snow. The route to work doesn’t feel an iota intimidating any more. In fact, it’s pleasant.

  There’s nobody about and the path is thick with snow. There’s nothing to direct me, but my senses tell me I’m going the right way. Just like they tell me how close the camouflaged squirrels are and that, deep below the white matter, there are at least two rabbits twitching in burrows.

  Instead of dreading the woods, I’ve begun to dread people. A feeling not lessened as I reach the clearing that leads to the Conservation Centre.

  The small car park at the front of the building is unusually busy. My footsteps freeze, holding me back beneath the trees. News reporters are hanging around the steps to the old building. Local camera crews are setting up. I can spot a small podium that has been hastily erected.

  My stomach does another somersault.

  I’m considering heading back to the safety of the trees when Janine, a friend from the admin team, spots me and waves over, nixing my escape. She has earmuffs and mittens on, which she adjusts whilst shuffling out of a battered old car. Anxiety gnaws on my nerves. Janine locks her door, heading over to me as I realise I can’t get out of this whole thing now.

  “Hey Rachel,” she says, beaming. I smile back, but it’s tight and short.

  It’s odd being ‘Rachel’ again and not Georgie or Georgina. It didn’t occur to me, before, how much I missed being called by my first name. Carrick had introduced me as Rachel to all his friends when I’d moved to America. After a while, it hadn’t seemed to matter. Until now.

  Until Nathan.

  Janine’s eyes follow mine to the podium. She makes a face. “I told Barry not to, that it would be hard enough coming back after your ordeal without all the attention, but he’s desperate to get more support from the community.” She glances at me apologetically.

  “He told me it was just going to be a small gathering,” I reply, failing to hold the dread from my voice.

  “Pretty shit first day back.”

  I nod.

  “What did Carrick say when you told him? He should have been able to talk Barry around. He usually can.”

  I hesitate. “I haven’t spoken to him.”

  A crinkle appears in Janine’s brow. “Oh... Well, Barry let him know you’d gone missing. And I know he texted him when you were found. Didn’t the cops give you back your phone?”

  “Yep,” I sigh, “but he hasn’t called.”

  Janine frowns. “Don’t you want to call him?”

  “I just don’t know what to say.”

  “Okay...”

  Barry spots me over the crowd and waves. A deep exhale passes my lips. Janine simply gives me a sympathetic smile and tells me she’ll see me inside. Apparently, I’m back on desk duty until the community are convinced that there are no attempted sex attackers still at large.

  If only they knew the truth.

  I traipse over to the podium. The mic is buzzing in an irritating pitch that I’m pretty sure only I can hear. Barry claps me on the shoulder and tells me I look great and how glad he is to see me. I smile and put on a brave face. Then the little act begins.

  Barry talks to the gathered journalists, rattling on about how important conservation is and how he’s so glad that people like me are so ‘fired up’ and ‘passionate’ about the subject that they won’t let anything get in the way of them protecting the environment.

  My eyes lower to my shoes, absent-mindedly studying the damp shape melting snow has made on the toe of my boots. Then my head snaps up as I catch a scent on the breeze for a flicker of second.

  But when I look, Nathan isn’t there.

  My heart sinks. I tell myself it’s pathetic, wishful thinking.

  Barry concludes his speech. I smile, shake his hand, say a few words about how glad I am to be back and how my ordeal ‘really feels like it’s over’ even though it’s not, and then the impromptu press conference is done. Some of the reporters try to ask questions, especially about the identity of the mysterious (and non-existent) ‘John’. Ignoring them, I head inside with my colleagues, ushered away from the interrogation by Barry.

  I weakly join in the conversation, smiling wan smiles and chatting until I can peel off from the group under the pretence of going to the women’s toilets.

  Instead, I slip out through a side door that is mostly used by smokers later in the day. The entrance is sheltered in a nook at the top of a small number of steps that are barely visible in the snowdrift. The reporters are packing away their stuff, oblivious to my position. Some have already dispersed. I hide in the alcove, closing my eyes and resting back against the wall, sheltered by the shadows.

  Slow, deep breaths centre me, but don’t make me feel any better. Everything has changed. I don’t know who I am any more.

  Am I Carrick’s helpless girlfriend who can’t secure a job on her own? Am I a strong, wild woman who’s in love with a werewolf? Or am I hopelessly besotted with a man who can’t give his heart to anyone but his long dead lover?

  When did life get this hard?

  I wish my Aunt Peg was still here.

  “Not sure public speaking is really your forte.”

  My heart jolts and I open my eyes. Nathan advances another step up into the shielded alcove, shading his figure from onlookers. He’s looking at me with all the intensity of a long lost lover. The breeze curls around him, lifting his longed for scent to my nose. Smatters of snow has caught in his ruffled hair. My mouth runs dry.

  “Thought it was about time I checked in,” he says hesitantly, dark eyes glittering. “How’re you doing, dahlin?”

  “Okay,” I answer more breathily than I mean to. Surprise and awkwardness stalls the air between us. There are a million and one things that I want to say to him, but the first thing to leave my tongue is perhaps the one that pains me the most. “You left me.”

  His gaze dips and, uncharacteristically, he scuffs the toe of his shoe against the ground, but I persist.

  “When that woman recognised me... You left me.”

  “Yeah, I er... I thought it was the best thing to do. Let you get back to your real life. Not everyone in our position gets to do that.” He lifts his chin, his gaze still not quite meeting mine. “I figured, if I stepped away, that would be... for the best.” He clears his throat, finally looking at me, his eyes betraying guilt and uncertainty. “Besides, trying to talk our way out of that would have meant missing visiting time at the hospital.”

  I wet my lips and nod. “Yeah... I guess.”

  His eyes are dark pools of vulnerability and confusion, like he’s not sure why he’s here or what he’s supposed to do.

  I want to tell him how I feel. I want to know how he feels. My eyes prick with heat and I have to clear my throat before I speak again.

  “So... How are you? How’s... How’s Hattie?”

  He shifts from foot to foot as if this isn’t what he wants to talk about. And what else could he want to talk about? He’s already said he’d tried to step back and let me get back to my old life. How can his presence possibly help me to do that? Is he just looking in on me because he feels guilty? Or is it...

  Is it because he feels...

  Something...?

  “Hattie’s fine. She came around and the doctors are pleased with her progress. She should be discharged tomorrow.”

  I nod slowly as he continues to watch me. He moves subtly closer and my chest tightens, my heart hammering against my rib cage. His eyes are glittering, taking in every minute movement I make, dipping to my mouth and travelling lower before he catches himself.

  “That’s good,” I answer, my exhale shaky. “A... About Hatti
e.”

  “Uh huh,” he murmurs lowly, the intensity of his gaze almost too much.

  My knees seem to be turning to jelly, my throat constricting. His scent is wrapping around me, clouding my judgement. I can see his eyes darkening and feel my pulse rising. The urge to reach out and pull him to me makes my hands tremble.

  “Do you think she’ll make a full recovery?”

  “Yeah,” he answers, his voice lowering to a sexy growl. His gaze drops to my lips for the smallest moment. “She’s doing well. She’s looking into AJD. Got as far as Texas.... I told her not to.” He clears his throat, shifting his weight as if he, too, is trying to shake off a heavy fog of need. “I can handle it myself. Just got to hit up a few hunter hotspots. Ask around. But...” He pauses, looking at me in a way that aches and makes my breath catch. “It’s keeping her busy.”

  “That’s good,” I whisper.

  He nods slowly, his gaze not leaving mine for a moment.

  “And you?” I swallow. “How are you...?”

  He wets his lips, bracing a hand against the wall above me as he leans in, his body brushing mine. His gaze flickers over me again. I’m rocking onto my toes, edging towards him, my heart thudding. My eyes travel over his face, the sexy curve of his lips, his dark gaze, the loose strand of hair brushing his brow. I’m reminded of the way he looked at me in the shower and how his hands moved over my body. My hands still trembling, I catch the edge of his lapel between my forefinger and thumb. My body is curling with low heat. His mouth is so inviting...

  My lips part. He tilts his head slightly, as if he’s about to kiss me in that melting, all-encompassing, toe-curling way that only he can. The inflection in his voice speaks of desire and desperation.

  “Georgie...?”

  Our eyes close. I feel his hot breath ghost my parted lips, his hand curve against my hip.

  The door opens, ear splitting in the aching silence.

  Nathan takes a step back, dropping his arm to his side and straightening his posture as I release a bated breath, quickly letting go of the edge of his coat. Disappointment and frustration settle in my chest. My body cries out. I ache for him in ways I didn’t know were possible.

  Janine looks from one of us to the other, confusion dissolving into uncertain comprehension. She has some papers in her hand, her earmuffs and mittens having made way for her office apparel. Her gaze appraises Nathan quickly. A pang of jealousy zips through my bones.

  “Barry sent me to find you. Carrick is on the phone,” she blurts awkwardly. “I didn’t realise you were talking to...”

  She trails off, waiting for some kind of introduction. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Nathan clears his throat, glancing at the floor as he retreats down a step to the path.

  “Just a friend.” He looks at me, the need and heat in his eyes crushed by steel at the sound of my human mate’s name. “I’ll let you get on with your life. Say hi to Carrick for me...”

  I open my mouth to say something, but I have no idea what and I’ll never find out because, with another definite step back, Nathan cuts me off.

  “Goodbye Georgina.”

  I swallow, wavering as I watch his figure disappear down a snicket to a small residential street at the back of the centre. He must have parked away from the media so no one could spot him. Clever... Always thinking ahead...

  My heart wants to lurch after him, but my feet feel like lead and I’m somehow tethered by Janine’s hovering presence. Why do I feel like this is a door closing? I wish I could rewind a week.

  Not meeting my co-worker’s eyes, I squeeze past her into the building, feeling like I’ve made a terrible mistake. “Um yeah... where do I take his call?”

  Janine hesitates, glancing out after Nathan as I head down the corridor, trying to shrug off my feelings for him. I hear the door clunk to, another chapter of my life closed. A chapter I wish hadn’t ended. Not like this.

  Janine falls into step beside me.

  “Barry’s office,” she mumbles, unhappily.

  We’re silent as we walk side by side, yet I can feel the weight of her questions pushing against me. Just before she turns off to the admin room, she catches my elbow with a light touch that freezes my insides.

  “That was him, wasn’t it?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I say, not quite meeting her eyes. I don’t know if I can bear to talk about Nathan right now, if ever, with anyone.

  I’m not prepared for this.

  My insides feel numb. All I can think about is the look on his face when Carrick was mentioned. A mixture of cold ire and betrayal. I feel like I’ve hurt him, like I should be out there now explaining that I haven’t even spoken to Carrick since I resumed my normal life.

  That I don’t love Carrick.

  I love Nathan.

  But does he even care? Did he come here because he feels the same? Or did he just want some kind of last booty call?

  I just don’t understand it. Why didn’t he say something?!

  This is all such a tangled mess. Why did that stupid old woman have to recognise me and ruin everything?

  “There was no ‘John’. It was that man at the door!” Janine exclaims, exasperated, as I search for a lie to tell. “Rachel, do you love Carrick?”

  I blink at the unexpected question. Of all the people I thought might ask, none of them were her.

  “I mean, I know you did,” she continues, “but the guy’s a jackass. He barely rings you to see how you are, even before all this ‘excitement’.” She grabs my arm, jolting me into meeting her earnest gaze. “And we called him as soon as you went missing, especially after they found your clothes. We left voicemails, Rach. He didn’t even call back.”

  A stone drops in my stomach.

  “Barry said that, when he finally got hold of him, he was more concerned about some onshore time with the other crew members than coming here and helping to look for you.”

  I bite my lip, but Janine isn’t done.

  “I’ve seen you guys together when he was here and... well... there was barely any chemistry between you, but that guy.” She thumbs behind her in the direction we’ve come from. “I mean, whatever was going on before I got there was some serious NC-17 shit, Rach. If I had a fella that smoking hot for me, I’d spend more than a goddamn week ‘missing in the woods’. What the hell are you thinking?”

  I raise an eyebrow, my lips pressed together. Janine shrugs, exasperated.

  “Just saying. If somebody wanted me that bad – I mean, the way that guy was looking at you could have set your clothes on fire – and it was a choice between him or Carrick, I know what I’d do, girl. What any woman would.”

  The lump in my throat goes down with difficulty. “I’ll bear that in mind.”

  I turn from her and head to Barry’s office, hearing her sigh of defeat blow across the corridor. The door to the office is ajar, but Barry isn’t there.

  A light on his desk phone is flashing. I hesitate, my hand hovering over the receiver. Then I pick it up, cradling it to my ear and taking a deep breath before I flip it off hold. Can I do this?

  “Hello?”

  The line is scratchy and loud. Carrick’s voice comes across as shouty in the apparent wind tunnel he’s phoning from. I brace myself for a different kind of storm.

  “Rach?! Listen, babe, I have some leave due soon! I thought we could hook up?!”

  My stomach pools with ice. I think of the way Nathan looked at me back in the alcove. Then I imagine the feel of his lips against mine, curving into a smile. The way his hands move over my body. The taste...

  The way that he is nothing like Carrick. The image of him standing in the store with shopping in his hands, his eyes on me, the expression of unexpected loss on his face.

  “No.”

  “What?! The wind is really loud here! I thought you just said no!”

  “I did.”

  I can hear the storm rattling on the other end of the line as the pregnant pause winds on. My heart is thu
dding with adrenaline. Maybe I can rewrite how this chapter ends.

  “Carrick, I’m finishing this. We’re over.”

  “What?! Why?! Are you serious?!”

  I take a deep breath. “Yes. Because I deserve somebody who actually wants me. And you don’t!” I can hear him struggling for words. “And, quite frankly, I don’t think I want you any more. I mean, I’ve been missing, for fuck’s sake, and you didn’t even ask if I was okay at the beginning of this conversation. You didn’t even come ashore to look for me. And I know you can call an emergency helicopter for stuff like that so don’t tell me you couldn’t get back from the boat.”

  “Is that what this was?! Some cry for attention?! That’s a really ugly shade on you, Rach!”

  A half-hearted laugh passes my lips. He’s not getting this at all, but somehow I don’t care. Something not unlike relief is washing over me. My mind turns back to Nathan. Will he have left already?

  “What this is, Carrick, is over.”

  I hang the phone up before he can respond.

  My heart is pounding.

  I need to find Nathan. Before it’s too late. Before I lose this chance forever.

  My legs wobble as I run through the building, heading for the side door. It breaks open on the cold air with a crack that sends a scatter of birds flurrying. My eyes scrape the scene for some hint. Nathan’s footsteps are quickly disappearing in the snow, but I race after them. His scent is dissolving in the thin air.

  My pulse quickens.

  I run down the snicket through thicker and thicker falling flakes, bursting out onto the corner of a cul-de-sac. The street is empty. You can barely see the bungalows for the heavy snowfall. A shiver of foreboding trickles down my spine as gusts of breath condense before me.

  Nathan’s pickup is still there. It’s parked facing out of the little dead end. The engine isn’t running. Something is wrong...

  Another scent tickles my nose.

  I walk hesitantly over to the car.

  The driver’s door is marginally ajar. Nobody’s inside.

  The second scent is male and it’s tangled up with Nathan’s. There is a whirlwind of footsteps on the path, overlaid by the falling snow. Something is peeking out of the whiteness.